trailing spouse advice: questions for the move

The trailing spouse is often the one who takes the lead on all the home-setting-up tasks while his or her partner works long hours at the office. If you get the chance before you move to make a connection with someone who's in the country or has recently left, take advantage.  In an ideal world your ideal informant will have infinite amounts of free time to answer your every question and will do so impartially.  She'll love the country and will share opinions from a range of her friends so you can get a more complete sense of your new home.  Beware of someone who has nothing positive to say about their staff or the local people. Listen to, but don't act on advice to join clubs until you have had a chance to visit them in person.  The same holds true for schools, as long as there are plenty of choices and your child is guaranteed a space.  If there are only one or two major international schools in the city, start working with the admissions office as soon as you know you will be moving, no matter if it is still a year away.

Ask anything you want that will help you feel calmer about your move but finding answers to the following questions can go a long way towards easing your first days.  Some of these answers may be available in books or on the internet but actually talking to a person who has been through the process can be much more informative and useful:

• How do I hire a housekeeper, cook, gardener, nanny, guard? Where do I find people looking for work, and do you know anyone who's leaving and looking for work for their staff?  What is the current normal range of salaries, what are reasonable hours to request they work? 

• How much is reasonable to pay for rent?

• How do I get my internet and phone connected?  Where do I get a SIM for my mobile phone/ where can I buy a new phone that will take a SIM (local phone networks are nearly always cheaper than in the US)?

• What neighborhoods are most kid-friendly? 

• Where is the nearest grocery store or market to the neighborhood where I will be staying in the beginning?

• Is it a better idea to ship furniture or have it made when I arrive? Where should I go to have furniture made?

• Which doctor/dentist/clinic is best and will any direct-bill insurance?   Which doctors will just throw antibiotics at you?  Which will insist you evacuate to Thailand (or the nearest country with good hospitals) ASAP for a problem another doctor will treat competently in-country?

• What preschools/kindergartens/international schools do other expats send their kids to and why?

• What is acceptable work and casual attire?

• Are there any basic social customs that I should be aware of that may be different from other places that I have been, that could be important for me to pay attention to my first weeks?

• Is there any food/spice that is impossible to find in-country that I should bring with me?

Please comment if you have any other questions that you were glad you had asked -or wish you had asked- before you moved or in your first weeks.