and here we go again

(Background for those who haven't read the story so far: my husband was laid off in December and has been applying for jobs near and far ever since.  We were trying to stay where we are as the kids are thriving and the schools have been good, but he has been applying to international jobs as well)

No, we haven't gone, yet.  And nothing's certain until we're driving to the airport, tickets in hand, but...  Last night we made a decision about where we're going to go.  It finally came down to two organizations, in two different countries, two different regions of the world.  Neither choice was perfect. Neither is in a place we've ever lived before.  It was like choosing between two imaginary worlds for me.  My husband could have more idea of the job he was going to do, thanks to the hiring process, but I could only guess how my life would be in each place.  

I know that I have substantial work to do in order to have a more positive attitude towards this move.  While we were in the process of choosing,  I wanted to think I could instantly orient happily towards whichever place we chose, but that is not proving to be the case.  Still, I don’t want to feel sorry for myself for having to go where we will have a place to live and all the kids’ school fees and our medical bills will be paid, and we will probably save enough to start to wipe out the debts we have gathered during the last few leaner years.  We've done this before and it seems like it shouldn't be so hard to get our heads around it, but somehow it is this time.  Have we lived in the US for too long of a stretch now?  The last time we made an international move, our oldest was in first grade- now he's going into middle school.  

It's funny to me that I started this blog mostly about my experiences as a trailing spouse, back in the fall.  At the time, I thought I was staying in one home, one city, one country for awhile and even that this was possibly the place where I would stop trailing and find a broader purpose for myself. I've written about making home in different places, my discomfort with certain situations from my experiences abroad.  Now, about to trail off to a new country, I'm almost embarrassed at what I wrote, how it all seemed so clear and relatively simple in hindsight.  I'll keep this blog updated with how the move plays out and we'll see how my point of view may be different in the moment than it was looking back at years-old experiences.  

I will share where we're going and more about the process of choosing, once I am sure our plans will not change.