proud to be an American

I am not planning to go to the American “national day” event at the swanky hotel tomorrow night.  I went last year. There were huge slides of American landmarks projected on the walls, lots of information about studying abroad in the US, heavy security. I wore my little black dress, shook the ambassador’s hand, enjoyed the shrimp and grits and the wine, but ate too much cake.

I think it’s stupid to designate a random national day for a country that already has a real one, just because the real one happens to fall in the summer when most expats have fled the heat and most of the host country’s residents are fasting all day. I would almost go just for the spectacle of it but is it worth leaving the kids on a school night, knowing they won’t get to sleep until too late and then play catch up for the rest of the week? Is it worth the snarky grouchiness that’s likely to make me just want to lurk in the corner the whole night, making rude comments? I’m in a cynical phase about this Qatar place and a room full of suits, cocktail dresses, immaculate thobes (and cufflinks, you must never forget the cufflinks) and identical hairdos will not help.

That’s ^ all true and it’s all a big cop-out, an excuse not to challenge myself. Patriotism has always been a struggle for me. I was raised with these posters in the kitchen: 

and

(I admit I never quite understood this one- why did we want them to have a bomber at all?)

At summer camp in the 80s we sang songs about civil rights and celebrated community activism- we learned about Harriet Tubman, Victor Jara, and Karen Silkwood, we fasted on Hiroshima day and, one summer, declared the land a nuclear free zone. I’ve taken part in small anti-war marches in my home state and a massive gay pride parade in Washington DC. My kids and I showed up (by mistake, we’d just wanted to glimpse the president as he drove to a fundraising dinner) at a demonstration in San Francisco against the Keystone pipeline but stayed to learn more about it and ended up holding signs.

Now an American abroad, I am a reluctant representative of millions of square miles and hundreds of millions of people.  When I’m asked my nationality and say I’m American I almost always get a positive response, especially by those who have never been there. Every single time I say it’s a big place, and there is good and there is bad, just like anywhere.  I can tell people a little about the parts of it I’ve seen but there’s a lot that I haven’t.

Having lived in countries that have poor infrastructure, oppressive governments and limited freedom of speech I appreciate the reliable roads, electricity, and clean water in the US, the relative freedom of our press, our speech, and accountability of our politicians. I remember visiting a fon in Cameroon and being awed by the aura of untouchable royalty in the room.  We weren’t allowed to cross our legs, put our hands in our pockets or turn our back on him.  His councilor had to stoop when approaching him in order not to appear taller. I appreciate the dose of humility we get from American leaders and politicians (some more sincere than others). I like being from a country whose citizens have such a wide variety of backgrounds and languages. In Qatar there are people whose families have been here for generations, but they are not allowed to have Qatari citizenship.

I want to love my country and hold it accountable at the same time. American patriotism often seems to mean promoting the US and its corporate interests to the exclusion of the needs of the rest of the world, or even minorities within the country itself. There’s been so much done in its name that I can’t support, or in the name of “freedom.” I moved to Kosovo right after September 11^th and I remember being in an internet café and that song came on with the line “proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free” and I had no idea what he was singing about, or whether he had any idea either

I expect I will continue to struggle with this patriotism, but for now (thanks to this post for helping me to think it through a little more) my national pride will be about appreciating the best I have experienced in my country- natural beauty, vast diversity, community spirit- and willingness to encourage my non-American friends to share my favorite parts of it.