between homes

We're in between homes now and I feel like I should be writing something reflective and inspiring about it but I just don't have it in me. In the past two months I have taken my husband to the airport on his way to his new job in Qatar, given away, donated, or thrown away almost everything in our house, arranged for a relatively tiny shipment that's on a boat somewhere between San Francisco and Doha, packed what remained into the van with three kids and drove across the country to my home state of Vermont.  Now I'm in the process of trying to see old friends, spend time with family, and feast my senses on the cool lakes and lush green of this New England summer. As always, this in-between time is frustrating and illuminating, exhausting and confusing.  

With all that in mind, please accept these snippets of where I'm at and what I'm learning:

Leaving yet another home earlier than expected and getting rid of so many of our belongings made me determined to lose all expectations of permanence.  Staying in the homes of friends who are settled in their home country and state for the indefinite future reminded me why that can be a good thing, too.  I can also understand why it could be hard for someone so settled to understand how I feel about this move- it's not a family adventure following years of planning, I'm not coming from a place of particular grounding or balance. 

When will we fly off to Qatar to make our family whole again and start settling in to the latest edition of "home?"  We don't know.  It all depends on how long it takes our paperwork to wend its way through the necessary bureaucracy.  Sometimes I can appreciate how all this uncertainty is strengthening my ability to be patient and resilient but lately I'm wondering when the roller coaster will stop so I can get off and practice walking in a straight line again.  I’ve given up trying to maintain much routine with the kids when we haven't yet spent more than five nights in the same place.  I can tell how much they need a home base, how relieved we all are when we return to a place they’ve been before. 

My youngest sees Vermont license plates and shouts, “Mom! Look! It's your people!” I feel that way too about my home state but with all the reunions with old friends over the past 4000 miles since we left California I'm starting to remember that my people are also spread wide across the country and around the world.  It's been a rich time to reconnect with people who knew me in many versions of my life. I have so much gratitude for these friends near and far and I hope that over time, I can be and provide what my friends need along their paths. I am also starting to remember that my people are fellow expats, even the ones I haven’t met yet- they tend to be a welcoming group, attuned to the challenges and needs of a family moving to a new place and generally willing to offer advice and extend invitations. 

 

I'm more thankful than ever for the years we’ve lived in free-range kid neighborhoods in Georgia and California where the kids have gotten more practice playing with whoever's around and not relying on organized activities to entertain themselves.  So far on our trip across the country this has put them in good stead for playing with any kids we encountered.  When we were living in Dhaka I imagined that I would want to move back to the US when the kids got older so they could experience exactly that freedom to roam without being hemmed in by walls, guards, and the watchful eyes of housekeepers and drivers. 

Being in Vermont has eased my struggle with the decision to move to Qatar. Nearly every move abroad that I have made, since the first one when I was 16, has been from my home state. While I love it here, it still feels like a springboard, about to launch me into something new and exciting.